Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
