Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
