My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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