She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
