If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
wow bdsm is so cute
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
