you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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