I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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