i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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