i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
