im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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