So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
These tits shall not be calmed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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