I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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