I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
