Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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