Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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