I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
