Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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