what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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