tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
