I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
