Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
