Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
