I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
