You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
