quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
