She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
