I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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