i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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