Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
