Where are you?
In a non slutty way
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Someone came in the potted fern
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
