He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
