so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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