With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
