You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
