I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
