I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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