TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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