His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
