My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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