I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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