In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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