Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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