If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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