So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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