I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
