Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
