I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
