Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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