Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
