So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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