what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
