She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
