his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
