If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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