She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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