these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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